LME021 – How to motivate employees in the workplace

Your employees don’t contribute, they lack motivation, but they are always looking for better pay? I’ll show you how to motivate your employees.

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How to motivate employees with money

Money may be attractive, but it has no sustained impact on employee motivation nor on employee commitment!

Please don’t take this the wrong way. If you don’t pay your employees an adequate income, then you’ll demotivate your employees! They will not be commited to work for you.

But the inverse conclusion will only work on an exception basis: If you pay an above average income, this will by no means result in your employees being more motivated or more commited over the long haul.

Intrinic and extrinsic motivation

There is an important difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. What the difference is and why you need to have intrinsically motivated employees you can read here: How employee motivation really works!

You need intrinsic motivation

Intrinsically motivated people have 3 characteristics:

1. Desire for self-determination

They want to work independently on a task with the greatest possible elbow room.
This means for your employees: Tell them about the goal, but give them the freedom to decide how they reach the goal.

2. Strive for excellence

Intrinsic motivated people want to grow with the task. They want to continue improving themselves on an issue that they feel is important to them. This means: Hepl your employees to become better in what they are doing. Help them with your feedback and offer them training.

3. Purpose

The things they do must have a purpose. In performing their task, they want to be part of something larger than themselves.
Talk about the company vision. Talk about the why. Why are you doing what you do. Why should they care to work for you?

The funny thing with intrinsic motivation:

If you take care about these 3 points you automatically take care that your employees don’t get demotivated.

Assume that your employees are motivated – at least when they start working for your company. What happens mostly is that people get demotivated over time by buerocracy or a bad boss.

Therefore: Your task as a leader is not to learn how to motivate employees. Instead, tell them about your business vision and the why and take care that you don’t demotivate them!

 

The inspiring quote

“The very essence of leadership is that you have to have vision. You can’t blow an uncertain trumpet.”

Theodore M. Hesburgh

 

LME020 – No1 feedback rule

No1 feedback ruleAs a manager, you should give your employees regular feedback. I will give you my most important  tip, my No1 feedback rule on constructive feedback.

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My experience with feedback

As a CEO of my own company as well as a manager in an international group, I was able to gather some experience through feedback worldwide – in all kind of cultures and all kind of company sizes.

Over time, I’ve developed a sense for feedback. I learned how valuable contructive feedback is and how it helps others. But I have also noticed how devastating well-intentioned but incorrectly formulated feedback can be – both in terms of employee motivation and behavior.

The crux with critisism

Everyone loves to be praised and to be confirmed. Who doesn‘t like to be praised?

With criticism, on the other hand, it’s different. If someone asks you,

“Do you mind if I give you some feedback?”

You’ll probably say

“No, of course not!”

… and you ask for the feedback. But deep inside of you, it’s hard for you to hear negative feedback. And let’s face it: it will be negative.

If someone explicitly asks for permission to give you feedback, he doesn‘t just want to praise, he mostly wants to criticize. But criticism questions our self-esteem. It triggers our defense mechanisms, because we believe our reputation is in danger. Actually, we want to be praised, but not judged.

That’s why when you give feedback, it’s less important what you say than how you say it.

My number one rule or if you will my number one tip for contructive feedback is:

The No 1 rule: Feedback is a gift!

Always view feedback as a gift: whether you critize or you are critized.

A gift usually has a nice packaging – this is no different with feedback. For example, it‘s the way you express criticism. Criticism should be clear, but appreciative. If it‘s not, then there is a good chance that it will not be perceived as a gift.

But especially for the feedback taker this attitude is crucial to see feedback as a gift.

Feedback to the boss

Let’s assume that an employee approaches his boss and tells him in private:

“Boss, in the meeting right now. Well, what you told the staff was not so well received.”

Now it’s extremely important how does the boss react to such a critic.

The employee dared to give the higher ranking person – his boss – feedback on his behaviour and on how it was perceived by the staff. Doing this requires courage.

Why did the employee do this? He wants to signal to his boss that something has gone wrong. He suspects that his boss isn‘t aware of this at all. With this feedback, the employee wants to help his boss to assess the situation correctly.

It‘s a gift to the boss.

And now it depends on how the boss reacts. When the boss says:

“Yes, yes, I know what I said, but I did it because I wanted the staff to understand and to think about what we need to do and that it is done in the right way and…”

Blablabla… If the boss defends himself directly after he was critisized, then this is unfavorable. He doesn’t really accept the gift. He takes it as an attack and defends himself.

However, the employee only wanted to show the boss his point of view.

“Here dear boss, something went wrong. What you said was received in a way you may not wanted it to be received.”

It would be much more favorable, if the boss would react with

“Thank you for the feedback. I’m glad you told me. I have to think about that.”

So he really accepts the feedback as a gift.

Two most important words: “Thank you”!

Very important here: What do I do if someone gives me a gift? Exactly he says „Thank You.“

The boss can ask:

“Thank you for your feedback. What exactly did I say in the meeting what came out wrong?”

Then the employee can answer:

“Yes, boss, you know, you said we’d just skip lunch today. That wouldn’t be a problem, but it was received quite badly that you didn’t explain why we had to skip it.”

It’s okay to ask such questions to really understand the criticism. But the boss should not evaluate and justify the employee’s statement at that moment. He should accept it as it is meant. As a gift: He receives a foreign view on his behavior.

Try to really understand the criticism!

Unfortunately, most people take a defensive stance when giving feedback – even today, I still sometimes feel the same way.

But it is unfavorable. Because it can lead to the fact that the employee decides the next time not to give feedback to the boss:

“I’d rather keep my mouth shut. The boss always knows everything better anyway. Before I get involved in discussions with him, I’d rather not say anything …”

What a pity. Whether you are the boss and get criticised or you are an employee and get feedback from your boss, always keep in mind:

If you receive feedback, try to really understand it and take it as a gift – even if it is rough on you or does not come across as very appreciative and even if you don‘t agree with it at all.

If I’m criticized and don’t agree with the criticism, I try to listen carefully. I don’t always succeed but at least I try. The reason for that is the saying:

“Often a feedback says more about the person giving the feedback than about the person being criticized.“

So, if I listen well, I at least learn something about the other person’s point of view. I try to understand him or her.

And always keep in mind, if you do so:
If I understand the other person that doesn‘t mean that I agree!

 

The inspiring quote

Feedback is a gift. Ideas are the currency of our next success. Let
people see you value both feedback and ideas.

Jim Trinka and Les Wallace

 

LME019 – How to stay calm at work when under stress and pressure

How to stay calm at work

How to stay calm at work

It is often not easy to stay calm at work. Nevertheless, there are team leaders and managers that amazingly are able to do this. They radiate a sense of calm and composure, even in stressful situations.

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Do you stay calm at work?

I had my difficulties with it when I was working as a manager. But some collegues stayed calm under pressure during times when all others around them seem to lose their heads and become tangled up with their emotions.

So, I started to watch them closely and learn. Nowadays, because of that, I can stay much more calm and composed.

Does it always work? Well – no! But more and more!

What is needed to stay calm at work?

Staying calm is based on self-confidence, clear thinking and optimism. One who goes through life with confidence and optimism will most likely keep his head and stay calm in critical situations as well. Why? Because such a person has internalised a credo like:

„Nothing is as bad as it looks.“

Now, some of you might say:

„Yeah, but this person had it easy in life – no wonder he sees it like that. But for me it’s a different story.“

But that’s commonly not the case. It’s actually not true at all, that these optimistic, confident people had it always easy in life. It’s often quite the opposite.

They have made some hard experiences as well, but they’ve analysed these deep hits over time and processed them.

Analyse previous situations

If you want to become more calm and composed, you have to analyse previous situations where you couldn’t stay cool. For example, situations when you were angry or anxious: situations when you were uncertain and start to doubt yourself.

This postprocessing of previous situations can help you tremendously to become more confident, composed and to keep calm in similar situations in the future.

You decide for yourself on how to react. You will be able to stay in control, and you won’t be driven by emotions like anger or anxiety anymore, which allows you to act and react more composed.

Be self-determined and prepare

In my experience, to be self-determined and prepared for these situations and having options is crucial in order to become more calm and composed.

What else helps you to become more calm and keep a cool head?

My 5 tips on how to stay calm at work

Here are my 5 tips on how you can stay calm if your under pressure. If you feel that you’re reaching a critical point where you might slide back into your old behaviour pattern, or you feel that emotions start to boil over, do the following:

1. Breathe!

„Yeah, great. I’m breathing anyway.“

No, I mean really take a deep breath. If we experience stress or we are overwhelmed by a particular situation, our breathing usually changes: it becomes faster and more shallow. We become tense.

When this happens, just count to 10 in your head and consciously breath deeply in and long out. This will calm you down.

2. Be silent!

Take time to reflect. Keep a distance while being fully aware. Try to get to the point where you simply observe yourself.

3. Take a break!

When you feel you are just about to lose your patience or to fly off the handle and then say something that you will regret later on – take a break the moment you realize that.

During a conversation just ask for a break. Get up and leave the room – for example to use the bathroom. That’s a normal human need. Nobody can object to that, right?

4. If provoked, don’t take it personal!

It is helpful in this kind of situation to simply take it as it were not aimed at you. Of course, that is not always easy, but try to remind yourself: not he, she or something has provoked you – it is you, allowing yourself to be provoked. Just don’t let it get to you. Then you are able to stay calm.

5. Don’t take on every challenge!

Taking on every challenge is a mistake.

This is something that I used to do far too often. Of course: there are situations when you really need to stand your ground and act consistent. For example, during a meeting where your important project is being discussed and a colleague strongly argues against it.

Or, if your manager comes down unreasonably on one of your team members. That’s when you do need to step in.

But you really don’t need to switch to confrontation mode every time you’re under attack. You don’t need to take on every challenge and pick every fight. Sometimes it is already enough, not to listen, to simply ignore things and to don’t let yourself get carried away.

Understand when to stand your ground!

Learn, when to stand your ground, which fights are worth picking and which are not.

And if you decide to get involved, then do it with your full commitment. But don’t let yourself get carried away and react to everything and everyone, because then you’re not self-determined anymore, but driven.

Somebody else is flipping a switch, and you react to it. Don’t do that. Become self-determined and, therefore, confident, calm and composed.

 

I wish you the best of luck and much success in becoming more confident, calm and composed – and therefore a better leader.

The inspiring quote

You have to think of your career the way you look at the ocean, deciding which wave you’re gonna take and which waves you’re not gonna take. Some of the waves are going to be big, some are gonna be small, sometimes the sea is going to be calm. Your career is not going to be one steady march upward to glory.

Alan Arkin

 

LME018 – Onboarding new employees

Today we talk about 3 major mistakes you should avoid when onboarding new employees.

Do you spend a lot of time and money searching for new staff members? Yes? But do you also pay enough attention to train the new hires properly?

I will explain to you the three most critical mistakes during the onboarding process that you really have to avoid.

Listen to the podcast version

Why you should care about onboarding

Recruiting costs can easily reach up to 40% of the annual salary for the job position to be filled. If the new employee is not properly trained after hiring, the employer is really wasting hard cash.

As a leadership and manager coach I noticed this fatal mistake with quite a few of my clients. A lot of effort, time and resources are put into finding suitable candidates, but then the new hires are not being inducted and trained well.

Recklessly neglecting the onboarding process turns out to be a costly mistake, for example when the new employee is already leaving during the probation period, or it becomes clear – far too late – that the person doesn’t really fit in the organisation or the team after all.

Onboarding new employees: 3 major mistakes!

There are three really bad mistakes during Onboarding that I come across time and again and that simply should not happen at all.

1. Onboarding mistake: Poor preparation

When a new staff member is hired, it should be very clear at an early stage what tasks he or she will perform and what the goals will be.

This information has to be stated in writing before the recruitment process begins. And yet, that’s often not the case.

Everything for his or her workspace and tasks should be ready and prepared at the first working day of the new employee. Otherwise, it will be stressful for everybody involved.

„Hello. Remember me? I am the new guy.“

„Ah yes, welcome on board Mr. … ehm, what’s your name again?“

„Newman, Pete Newman“

„Right. Ehm, Judy, could you please take care of Mr. Newman? Show him around and just find a space for him to work, and explain how everything works here – you know where he gets his laptop and how he gets to the cafeteria and everything…“

Argg. That’s not the way.

Have a clear onboarding process

You need a clear onboarding process.

Otherwise, the new team member will feel completely out of place. He or she will feel like a foreign body that doesn’t belong. That’s demotivating. Check out here how employee motivation really works.

When there’s no clarification about the induction process, even the existing staff members will be overwhelmed, because nothing is prepared and no time and resources have been allocated for the induction and support of the new employee.

2. Onboarding mistake: Responsibilities are not clear!

Every employee has a manager. The manager is responsible for the onboarding process!

Of course, the HR Department can support and help with the onboarding process, but basically onboarding has to be performed by the respective leading manager.

The responsibility lies with the manager!

He has to overlook the Onboarding steps and – most of all – has to take the time for the new employee.

Like almost everything with leadership: this task is very important. As a manager you have to do it.

Even important customer meetings or other management tasks have to come in second.

“Yeah, but our important client had requested this meeting on short notice. So, I simply didn’t have the time for the new staff member…”

“Yeah, but the board requested a very urgent consultation.”

No: There is no

„Yeah, but…“

What has priority? What is really important for you as a manager? Give the new employee now the time and appreciation that he deserves – and that he also very much needs in the beginning to become part of your team.

Support him or her to build up confidence quickly. This includes providing the opportunity to quickly socialize and integrate into the team and to become a valued and respected team member. Your new employee needs to learn about the corporate culture and thats true een if you have a small company.

He needs to know what is expected of him, and he needs to develop the feeling that he makes an important contribution to the organisation. Communicating this, that’s your job as his or her new manager.

3. Onboarding mistake: Insufficient Feedback

Most organisations imply a probation period. Often it lasts for 6 months. But mostly they don’t make good use of this probation time. Despite the first months are crucial.

Make it clear to your new team member, what you expect from him or her and what goals should be achieved. Very important in the beginning: give sufficient regular feedback during onboarding new employees.

Where does he or she stand?

How can an employee develop and become better, if he doesn’t know how good he is and whether or not he’s meeting the expectations?

It shouldn’t happen, but it might happen, that an employee doesn’t perform as expected. In that case, you have to let him or her go, despite all efforts made on both sides.

The probation time

This is why there’s a probation period. But it also means, that you have to make the most of the probation and take the time to talk to your new employee regularly. Help him to understand the goals and expectations and to live up to them.

Don’t tell him or her what you expect only at the end of the 6-month probation. That’s just not fair.

Give regular feedback!

Arrange for a feedback-meeting every other week or once a month.

Give feedback, tell your new team member how well he or she performs and offer support and additional training if necessary.

These meetings can also be used to agree upon short-term goals. Goals that the employee should reach in the following weeks to become a full member of the workforce after the probation.

Unfortunately, many managers don’t do that. And what happens, is: the manager didn’t have time for the new employee and now – close to the end of the probation period – a decision has to be made, whether to keep him in the company or not.

„Shall we keep the new guy or not? Well, I haven’t had much time in the last months… It would be a bit unfair to let him go now, just because I didn’t have enought time for him …“

That’s correct. But what was actually unfair is that you didn’t pay attention to and you didn’t take care of your new employee.

Use the probation time correctly!

What happens often is: You employ a lousy candidate after the probation time because you did not have a proper onboarding process.

At least in some countries liek Germany: You can’t get rid off him that easily after the probation period is over – just because of legal rules.

Therefore always consider: set up regular meetings with your new employee already from the first day to provide feedback – preferably every other week.

If you do that, you will know latest after 6 months whether working together makes sense or not. There will be no surprises or disappointments. Even if you decide not to keep the new employee or even let him go already during the probation period, at least you gave him a fair chance by providing feedback and support.

Checklist Onboarding

I prepared a check list that guides you through the entire Onboarding process.

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my 4 page onboarding checklist

checklist onboarding new employees

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The inspiring quote

“I truly believe that onboarding is an art. Each new employee brings with them a potential to achieve and succeed. To lose the energy of a new hire through poor onboarding is an opportunity lost.”

Sarah Wetzel

LME017 – How to become a better listener and improve as a leader

Become a better listener

Become a better listener
Image: jgroup/ Resource: www.bigstock.com

As a true leader you should always ask yourself how to become a better listener. Because, the majority of employees consider their boss to be a poor listener. This is the result of a study performed by several organisations including the Business Executive Academy in Germany (Akademie für Führungskräfte der Wirtschaft).

This is tragic. It undermines employee motivation. Many misunderstandings throughout the daily routine could be avoided – if only managers were to take the time and simply listen.

Listen to the podcast version

Why do managers have such a hard time becoming a better listener?

Managers want to be perceived as the engines of progress. Activity may frequently give them a false sense of being in control.

But listening is erroneously equated with passivity and submissiveness. Consequently, many managers focus more on talking than on listening. In the end, what the boss says is what goes. This is a big leadership mistake.

Bad decisions are made by those who do not listen

Many managers only listen briefly and are much too quick at forming an opinion. They suffer from “premature evaluation“. They make rushed evaluations of an employee’s statement, instead of absorbing the presentation, asking follow-up questions and comprehending the matter.

Are you one of these? Do you evaluate and react while your employee is still speaking? You are then actually no longer truly listening to them. You are already distracted by your own thoughts about the solution to the problem, and are not taking the time to understand the problem in detail. Misunderstanding and poor decisions are then already pre-programmed.

Getting to the bottom of things

When something goes wrong in your company, you should not only focus on facts and figures. You must to get to the bottom of things.

You will only do so if you understand the underlying emotions and motivations of the people involved. This requires that you ask and listen – but do so correctly.

Not an inquisition – but an inquiry instead

When listening actively, you are engaged with your conversation partner. You express empathy and address the other person with an open mind. It’s important to follow up on things that are not clear, and attempt to understand and address the other person’s feelings. You make an inward attempt to place yourself into the situation of the speaker.

It is important in this case to keep your opinion to yourself. Do not allow yourself to become agitated by allegations and criticism. Keep in mind:

Listening is not the same as agreeing!

3 tips how to ask questions the right way

Asking questions can be a great method helping your employees. But you need to use questions carefully. Otherwise they can be counterproductive.

1. Short questions in rapid succession

If you shoot short questions in rapid succession your employees may feel like being interrogated by a police officer. They feel pressed into a defensive position and feel like they are under attack. In this way, they become more and more afraid and threatened.

If a project went wrong and you talk to the responsible person, avoid asking short questions in rapid succession. One question is enough. Allow your employee to think and to find the right answer.

If you strive for becoming a better listener, don’t fire short questions in rapid succession.

2. Don’t trigger fear with your questions.

The shorter you formulate your question, the more pressing it is perceived by your employee. So, avoid this kind of questions. Instead of

“Why did you make the decision this way?”

You can ask:

“I can see that you were in a tough situation. What led you to make the decision this way?”

You see? Asking in that way does not trigger fear and defence.

3. Talk about the background of your question.

Sometimes it can help to introduce the background of your question with one or two sentences before asking the actual question. In the end you ask these questions in order to help or to understand – not to frighten, to demotivate or to frustrate.

Questions can be a terrific way to get others to think. But this will only work if your counterpart feels that you respect him. Therefore, never ever act like a threatening inquisitor!

Gaining trust and understanding

In order to learn how to become a better listener try to understand the emotions and motivations of difficult employees.

  • Why does the employee behave this way?
  • What is his perspective of things?
  • What is his reality?

Avoid jumping to conclusions. Good listeners express appreciation and can then gain trust. They become aware of valuable information, are better able to assess situations and can therefore avoid misunderstandings.

6 important tips for how to become a better listener

  1. Don’t just go through the motions, but actually listen attentively.
    Become completely engaged with your conversation partner.
  2. Without fail, good listeners also ask good questions. Ask for more information if you did not understand something. Repeat what you understood in your own words. Keep it brief when doing so.
  3. The ability to listen actively takes time to develop. Accept that you will feel somewhat clumsy and uncomfortable in your role in the beginning.
  4. Confidence is needed to approach others and to listen to them in an open and candid manner. Precisely in your role as the boss, you must have the ability to absorb unpleasant matters or criticism without having to justify yourself on the spot.
  5. Learn to appreciate pauses. Resist the urge to say something when a pause occurs. One of my bosses once told me: “You lead a conversation by saying little.”
  6. Are you one who tends to speak too much? Then you must accept the following:
    Generally, your counterpart is much more interested in himself and his desires and problems than in your desires and problems. Therefore: Speak less – and speak less about yourself. Place your counterpart at the center of attention, regardless whether this is customer, a colleague or an employee.

The inspiring quote

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.”

Roy T. Bennett

LME016 – Meeting deadlines? Here’s how to do it!

Do you have a problem with meeting deadlines? It can be tricky, right?

But we all know it and we’re all annoyed by it, when it happens: I am talking about missed deadlines, unkept promises or delayed projects.

Why do these things happen? Why do people and companies not honor their deadline commitments? In most cases this isn’t ill will. This frequently involves poor planning, ineptitude or the misguided assumption that it will all work out somehow.

Listen to the podcast version

Meeting deadlines

Meeting Deadlines isn’t easy!
Image: eminozkant/ Resource: www.bigstock.com

10 Tips for meeting deadlines


Do you keep your promises? I know it is hard sometimes to stick to deadlines, right?

Here are 10 tips helping you for meeting deadlines:

1. Only commit to what you can do!

Never agree to an impossible deadline neither to please someone nor to to win an order. Otherwise, over the long haul this will do more harm than good: You will not only loose your customer’s trust, but you will also be stuck with a project that will bring nothing but irritation and problems, right from start.

It’s not just with your customers. Fo example, if you committed to a deadline to one of your employees and you can’t make it, you loose credibility and you destroy employee motivation. Don’t do this. Only commit to what you can do.

2. Put it in writing!

Always record your commitments and deadlines in writing. It will help to counteract your forgetfulness. Enter deadlines into your planner.

Also record small, apparently insignificant commitments in writing. For instance, if you have scheduled an appointment with an employee, send out an e-mail or an invitation via Outlook. This ensures that both parties clearly know when the meeting was supposed to take place.

3. Identify the purpose!

When you agree to a deadline, describe in detail what is to accomplished, completed or shipped by this deadline. What ‘s the purpose? The expectations on both sides need to be crystal clear, otherwise this can result in unpleasant misunderstandings down the road.

4. Learn to say no!

Reject unrealistic requirements right from the start. If you commit to a production machine with 102% efficiency you should not be surprised to find out that you cannot meet the deadline for this machine!

5. Agree on specific deadlines!

Don’t say:

“Let’s get back together sometime in summer.”

but agree on a specific date for the meeting, e.g. August 24, 2013. It is also advisable to determine where and at what time the meeting is to take place and how long it is scheduled to last.

6. Set deadlines for milestones

When larger projects are involved, it is best to partition the project at the start. Set deadlines for milestones and agree with them with your employees. This makes a large project more manageable. Here you find more about how to delegate and how to set these milestones.

This will also keep you from catching “procrastinitis”. A major project that is started and planned at the last minute has no chance of being completed on time.

7. Keep others informed

Tell your co-worker and employees about your commitments and also the deadlines for the milestones. This will help you to define goals. It serves as an additional motivating element and will help you to stick with the milestone deadlines.

8. Always plan with contingencies!

Learn to make realistic time estimates! Do not load up your entire schedule. You should keep at least 50% of your time reserved for contingencies and breaks. Keep in mind:

“If it can go wrong, it will go wrong!”

9. Do not try to be perfect!

There are things where you need to avoid making mistakes at all costs. But there is plenty of work where it is sufficient to get things done as best as possible.

Anyone who wants to ship a 100% perfect solution all the time will never meet the agreed to deadline. Avoid this!

10. Get help early!

When things get sticky you should consider: what activities do I have to take care of myself, what can I delegate or outsource? Who can help me right now: employees, suppliers, partners?

By the way: When things get tight, avoid multi-tasking. This will only waste more time. Always start with the unpleasant tasks first.

The worst case scenario: you cannot meet the deadline!

Inform all those involved as soon as it becomes apparent that you cannot meet the deadline. Once the cat it out of the bag, and you will miss the deadline, you must inform in a timely manner and present alternatives: this will not necessarily always result in a schedule delay. You can always propose to reduce the deliverable scope to those involved and meet the deadline that way.

The key is to inform early in the process and to give those involved the option to decide about the alternatives. This way you can at least prevent the situation from getting worse.

 

The inspiring quote

“A professional who doesn’t deliver as committed is not just lazy, he is a liar.”

Amit Kalantri

 

LME014/015 Leadership Mistakes! The Top Ten and how to avoid them!

Leadership mistakes happen. People make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. But the main thing is to realize your mistakes, analyze them, and then try to change your behavior to avoid making them again in the future.

But that is easier said than done. When trying to improve, the first step is decisive: You have to realize your own mistakes.

Listen to the podcast versions

That is why today I would like to share with you the WORST 10 leadership mistakes. Probably many of the mistakes will already be familiar to you. Perhaps you remember some of your own bosses who you had to endure.

But more importantly, think about whether you, as manager, have made these mistakes yourself. I have made a few of these mistakes as manager. The effects they can have on employee motivation can be devastating.

Leadership MistakesSo let us take a closer look: Here are the WORST 10 leadership mistakes, which you should watch out for and avoid:

No 1 of the top leadership mistakes: Avoiding making decisions!

Decisions need to be carefully considered. But to wait as long as possible because of this, until you think you have every last bit of information, is usually the wrong way to go. Accept the fact that you, as manager and leader, must make decisions even when you don’t have a complete overview because you still haven’t got all the facts.

As leaders and entrepreneur you need to make swift and clear decisions, and you have to live with the risk of making the wrong decision.

One of my bosses once laid it out for me really clearly:

“As manager you bear all the risks in the decision! So let’s make one thing clear: To be a manager means accepting that you can get fired!”

The higher you are in the hierarchy, the more unpleasant the decisions that you must make will be. Some examples which come to mind are firing employees or shutting down plants, for example.

If you continually put off making decisions because of anxiety or for political reasons – if you even keep out of sight of your employees and simply don’t reply to emails on the subject anymore – then you will frustrate and demotivate your employees, especially those who are very motivated and committed.

As manager it is your job to make the decision.
What are you like? Do you avoid making decisions?

2 Being non-committal!

Many managers don’t trust themselves to tell it like it really is. They don’t want to commit themselves. They want to keep all options open.

Their non-committal nature can often be recognized in their speech. Phrases get mangled, and weak expressions are used, such as:

  • Synergy effects
  • A new-orientation to bring things into focus
  • Proactive downsizing

Some of these managers don’t even notice anymore that they only emit meaningless mumbo-jumbo – but their employees sure do!

That’s why I say don’t skirt around the subject. As manager you want to be understood. Get to the point. Commit yourself. Formulate goals clearly and tell your colleagues exactly what you expect from them. Be decisive and dependable, because that will make you consistent!

Are you decisive and consistent?

3 Not listening!

Many misunderstandings in daily exchanges can be prevented, if only managers would take the time to simply pay attention.

Why do managers find it so difficult to listen actively?

I believe it is for the following reason: Most managers want to be perceived as active doers. I know that because I went down this path! It#s a very common leadership mistake. Often, activity seems to give you a supposed feeling of being in control. In contrast, listening is wrongly equated with passivity and subordination. That’s why many managers concentrate more on speaking than on listening. After all, the boss has the final say.

But: People who don’t listen and pay attention are more likely to make the wrong decisions!

Unfortunately, many people only listen briefly and form their own opinion much too early on. The technical term for this is “premature assessment”. Many managers suffer from making premature assessments. They form judgments on statements by their staff much too quickly.

But when they do that they are not actually really listening to their staff. They are already engrossed in their own ideas for solving problems, and don’t even take the time to really understand the problem and the point of view of their staff. When this happens, misunderstandings and wrong decisions are inevitable.

Do you listen enough? Or do you judge and react even while your people are still speaking? Click here to learn more about how to become a better listener.

4 Micromanaging!

Micromanagement is a classic example of demotivating manager behavior. The micromanager assigns tasks and then controls them in minute detail, without permitting his subordinates to participate in decision-making. The manager not only specifies the goal, but also the detailed plan of how to achieve it.

By their behavior, micromanagers demonstrate their lack of trust in their subordinates. This frustrates, demotivates, and paralyzes subordinates’ ability to think on their own.

Do you want to know if you have micromanagement tendencies? Then answer the following questions:

  • In every project do you constantly have to have an overview?
  • Do you want to know everything in detail for every project?
  • Can you take responsibility for all the work of your subordinates yourself?
  • Do you believe that you, as manager, know more and can do more than your subordinates?
  • Do you suffer from email overload?

If you answer even one of these questions with yes, then you should take a closer look at whether you are micromanaging in your daily work.

Ask your staff if you allow them enough freedom to do their work. If not, learn how to delegate instead of only controlling.

5 A conceited view of yourself!

Managers don’t have much time. Their schedules are hectic because they have a lot to get done. They are very committed, and bustle from meeting to meeting. Ultimately they are really important, after all things would collapse without them.

That is why they often think that they can take the liberty of doing things that their subordinates would never do, such as coming to a meeting too late (after all, there was that critical telephone conversation with a major customer…). Such managers also have so much to do that they naturally think they must read their emails while a colleague holds a presentation. But woe unto the employee who reads his/her emails during a meeting while the boss explains the new company strategy!

Some bosses are so important and have so much to do that there is no area where they don’t try to save time, even when it comes to saying please and thank you. After all, they can streamline things even more by leaving out the formalities, can’t they? And when the stress becomes unbearable, one has to accept that a guy just has to fly off the handle sometimes – which can get pretty unpredictable!

If you demonstrate through your actions to your staff that “I am important, you are not so important!”, how do you think that will affect their motivation? How would you feel?

You have to act as a role model first for whatever you demand from others. It is important to treat your staff like you yourself want to be treated. Do you do that?

6 Acting unfairly and unjustly!

Fairness is an important basis for a good company culture, but some managers seem to forget this in the midst of hectic day-to-day activities. They are so pre-occupied with themselves and their work that they don’t take the time to put themselves in the position of their staff.

Often they are not even aware of how they hurt their subordinates with their conduct and words. This happens, for example, when the boss gives preference to a few favorite staff members by giving them all the interesting projects. Or if an employee makes a mistake and the boss gives him/her a dressing down in front of the whole group. Such behavior is unjust and unfair, and that is exactly how it is perceived by all the other employees. This leads to frustration and demotivation among them.

A really critical issue is remuneration. It is very important that the boss behaves justly and fairly.This is especially true in the case of the salary. Don’t be stingy when determining payment.

The salaries you pay must be appropriate and plausible. That is especially true in the case of the internal salary structure.

More important than the actual amount of the salary is the relation of salaries to one another. Are the differences in the salaries of your colleagues fair? Imagine if the salaries would be revealed for all to see. Would you be able to explain in good conscience the differences in the salaries of all your employees? Are these differences in salary justified?

If you are convinced that performance based bonus and performance based salaries is a good idea, you better read this post: “What you ought to know about performance based bonus“.

7 Not standing by your word!

Leadership only works with trust. But trust is something you have to earn. The only way to build trust is to actually do that which you also say.

If you make a promise, then keep it! Not only in the big things, but especially in the small things. If you tell your colleague you will forward the report in an email today, then he/she should get it today, and not tomorrow! After all, you promised this. What you have said is your word of honor!

Have you ever heard this typical sentence;

“Especially now, in the current crisis, we need to communicate credibility”?

What nonsense. You don’t have to communicate credibility. 
You must be credible!

Take a clear stand; keep your promises – and as manager you need to act consistently.

You will lose your credibility very quickly when people expect something of you and you let them down. That’s why you shouldn’t make any promises that you can’t or don’t want to keep! Building trust takes time. But you can lose people’s trust in a matter of seconds!

How credible are you?

8 Only trusting numbers, data, and facts!

Another typical leadership mistake you should avoid by all means. If something goes wrong in your company, don’t only concentrate on numbers, data and facts. You have to really get to the bottom of things. But you can only do that if you understand the underlying emotions and motivations of people, and to do this you need to ask questions and listen – but you have to do it right.

Especially in the case of difficult colleagues, it is important to understand their emotions and motivations. Why does the colleague behave exactly like this? How does he/she see the matter? What is his/her view of reality?

Avoid drawing premature conclusions. When you convey respect you will gain trust. This way you can gather valuable information, assess the situation better, and thus avoid misunderstandings.

Do you only trust numbers, data, and facts?

9 Demanding zero mistakes!

The new manager who was just hired just made a fatally bad decision. This bad decision will cost the company a million dollars.

The company owner then calls him in for a meeting. With head lowered and sagging shoulders, the manager enters the owner’s office.

“I expect you are going to fire me.”

But the owner replies:

“Do you think I’m crazy? After I just invested a million dollars in your training?”

This anecdote wonderfully highlights how managers should deal with the mistakes of their colleagues.

Mistakes are permitted – as long as one learns from them and doesn’t make the exact same mistake a second time. Demanding zero mistakes is absurd. Everyone makes mistakes – me and you too, just as much as your employees. Managers who demand zero mistakes, get zero mistakes, too. That is because either their staff don’t report mistakes anymore or because they act according to the following saying:

“If you work a lot you make a lot of mistakes.
But if you don’t work a lot you only make a few mistakes.
And if you don’t work at all you don’t make any mistakes!”

Do you really want your staff to make no mistakes?

We all are human beings and we learn by making mistakes. Noone wants to be treated by a “Darth Vader Boss”.

How can you as a leader create a failure tolerant culture without allowing your employees to make lots of mistakes? Mistakes which may compromise safety and security of your company?

In this video I’d like to give you 3 tips on how to deal with employees making too many mistakes:

10 Giving employees no opportunities to develop!

Most people want to improve. They want to develop themselves. They want to grow and become better at what they do.

Naturally, you should give your employees an opportunity to take extra training and learn new things. But if you really want to help your employees to improve, you shouldn’t set any unrealistic goals, and you should put them to work according to their skills and strengths.

Feedback is extremely important. People need criticism and praise. Anyone who wants to improve him or herself needs sincere, constructive feedback. As manager you should recognize the work of your colleagues in a sincere way, and give them constructive feedback.

Do you do that? Do you support the development of your employees, in their efforts to improve themselves?

 

BONUS: 3 ways how employee motivation gets destroyed!

This video is a bonus for you: As a leader don’t focus on motivating your employees but take care that you don’t demotivate them!

 

The inspiring quotes

“In some South Pacific cultures, a speaker holds a conch shell as a symbol of temporary position of authority. Leaders must understand who holds the conch—that is, who should be listened to and when.”

Max de Pree

 

“True intuitive expertise is learned from prolonged experience with good feedback on mistakes.”

Daniel Kahnemann

LME013 – Powerful feedback – Interview with Jill Schiefelbein

Today we talk all about powerful feedback in business. It‘s not easy, is it?

Therefore, I invited Jill Schiefelbein to talk with me about dynamic communication and especially about how to give feedback.

Jill Schiefelbein

Delivering powerful feedback with Jill Schiefelbein

Delivering powerful feedback with Jill Schiefelbein

Jill Schiefelbein is an award winning business owner, speaker and author.

She taught business communication at Arizona State university for 11 years. She analyzed terrorist documents to help provide counter-terrorism messaging strategies to the military and she was a pioneer in the online education space.

How to give powerful feedback

Dynamic Communication: 27 strategies to grow, lead and manage your business by Jill Schiefelbein

She knows about communication. Today Jill is called the Dynamic Communicator. She creates and executes communication strategies for all kind of organisations.

Her latest book has the title: „Dynamic Communication: 27 strategies to grow, lead and manage your business.“ And it’s really worth reading if you watn to learn about poerful feedback. I’m happy to have her on my podcast today.

We are talking about the biggest mistakes when people give feedback in the workplace. But we also cover problems like:

  • How can managers successfully criticese without being rude or offending?
  • How can they still make a clear statement?
  • What do you need to take care of when doing a formal performance review?
  • How can an employee criticise his or her boss without hurting the relationship?

Here is my interview with Jill Schiefelbein talking about powerful feedback.

 

The inspiring quote

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”

George Bernhard Shaw

Links for further information

 

The transcript of my interview with Jill Schiefelbein:

Bernd:

Jill, most people will agree that feedback is essential when successfully working together. Now, I would like to know from you, what are the biggest mistakes when people give feedback in the workspace?

Jill:

You know to me Bernd, feedback it’s really kind of like the motor oil that keeps a car’s engine running and without it, you’re going to break down and things will you know, stuff will build up over time, things won’t run as smoothly. And eventually it’s just chaos.

Bernd:

Right.

Jill:

Or it fails to work at all. So, for me feedback, the mistake that I see a lot of people in organizations making is limiting feedback to more formal channels. So, you have maybe your annual performance reviews or you have you know, maybe you have a bi-annual performance review.

But, things that are more formalized instead of focusing on the minor feedback day to day. Or even you know, semiformal feedback that maybe you could do every bi-weekly or every month that would be more like maintenance instead of going in and having the whole engine taking out, you just have to change the oil routinely.

Bernd:

So, if I understand you correctly Jill, feedback is something which you need to do more or less daily if possible?

Jill:

Ja, I think there’s always a place for it. And especially with the younger generations entering the workplace in force, I mean millennials are already a stronghold in the workplace. If we look at what comes next with Generation Z and beyond, it’s very much the expectation is regular feedback and not necessarily just daily but, almost every task that is completed.

And I’m not talking about the routine tasks, but if you’re given an assignment and you complete the assignment and your supervisor or manager gives you no feedback other than a thanks you don’t know what to do next. And so, we need to be very conscious that whenever there is completion on something or wherever there is clear progress made that we need to have opportunities for feedback conversations.

Bernd:

Ja, we have here in Germany a saying of one part in Germany if you don’t say anything that’s good enough, and I think that’s totally wrong. I think you will agree on that, correct?

Jill:

It is one of my favorite axioms or sayings. Comes from a book that was written in 1975 by theorists, by the names of Watzlawick, Beavin and Jackson, and in this book the pragmatics of human communication, they put out the idea that, one cannot not communicate.

Which means that it is impossible to not communicate and your silence actually communicates something. So, the lack of providing feedback actually communicates a lack of caring in many situations.

Bernd:

Ja, I fully agree. Now, how should managers if they give negative feedbacks, so it’s criticism, how should they take care that the criticism is really – comes over in the right way? So, that it’s without being rude or offending if you criticize your employee, but you still want to make clear that, this needs to be changed or that someone needs to do that in a different way in the future. How we should managers do that correctly in your opinion?

Jill:

Well, for me I have three very clear rules to follow when giving feedback. And they work for both negative and positive feedback situations. And in fact, I’m going to go on a small tangent right now to kind of set up this answer if that’s okay with you?

Bernd:

Ja, sure.

Jill:

Studies are showing that managers who believe that they are giving even positive feedback on a regular basis, but who don’t follow these three rules that I’m about to lay out for you will actually see either a stagnation, or a decline in productivity.

And that is when feedback isn’t directed, owned, avoiding disclaimers, and specific, we take it just kind of as a status quo. So for example, if I have a manager who is constantly saying, “Good job Jill, keep up the good work Jill. Nice work, awesome. You’re great, fantastic.” The manager thinks I’m an awesome manager, I’m providing positive feedback all the time.

Whereas, I don’t know what exactly I’m doing great, I don’t know why exactly I’m awesome. And so, the human nature would be, “Okay, I’m doing great. So, I don’t need to push harder.” So, I just kind of let it rest. #

Bernd:

It’s very generalized. So, I don’t know really what is it really I’m doing well? Correct?

Jill:

Exactly. And when you don’t know what you’re doing well, you are just going to assume until you’re told otherwise that, “Okay, well I guess I’m just doing everything well so, I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing.” And I don’t actively look for will opportunities to improve because, okay great.

It’s just like even in school when you’d get a good mark on a paper, but you wouldn’t get any feedback. So, you’d make it a perfect score, but there’s no feedback about how you could develop or how you could push it even further.

You don’t know what you’re supposed to do. So, one of the three rules and I’ll be happy to give the other two as well is make sure that any feedback you give positive or negative is focused and specific, not generalized but very specific. And that it’s specific focused on a behavior and not a characteristic. This is important because characteristics we often don’t have in our immediate control to change. But, behaviors we can change.

So for example, if a characteristic of your personality is that you are a bit shy changing that or giving feedback on that is not going to be as impactful as giving feedback on a specific situation in which the shyness had an impact. And so, really being as specific as you can to the exact behavior and the variable surrounding that behavior is one of the three main rules that I have for giving good feedback.

Bernd:

Ja, that makes absolutely sense ja. Because the behavior you can change real characteristic of yourself. If you have a very high voice for example, and well you can’t change it. So ja, it makes absolutely sense ja, very good and specific. Ja.

Jill:

It does. And the other two rules. The first one of which, and this is one of the things that I find people are doing wrong. So, more often than not and it’s such a simple change in a single word. But, a lot of times when people start off feedback conversations especially when they are corrective feedback conversations, they start with the word that verbally points a finger at someone and immediately puts them on the defensive.

And that word is you. You need to do this. You aren’t doing this right. You should do this. All of those things, but it takes us back to when we were young children. And I don’t know if it’s the same way in Germany, but in the United States if your parents yell at you using both your first and middle names, you know you’re in trouble, right, like you know.

Bernd:

Ja, no, that’s similar. Ja, I agree.

Jill:

It’s not just, “Jill, get down here.” It’s, “Jill Schiefelbein.” And then you know you are in so much trouble. But, we have those things. And so, parents will use a name. But, other people who aren’t as close to you, it’s kind of this same thing as pointing that finger and saying, “You need to do this.” And whenever we hear that, the little kids inside of us, you know just kind of curl up. And we immediately go on the defensive.

So, what you need to do – I just even said that. What you need to do, if you’d like to improve your feedback in this situation, the thing to do is substitute the word I for the word you, and then put a descriptor in there. So, I realize. I know. I believe. I feel. I’ve observed. I’ve noticed. I’ve noticed that you – and then lay out something specific.

It just sets a tone of a conversation in such a different way. And that ability for someone to be more receptive of what you have to say, especially when you need corrective action is very important.

Bernd:

It’s more a subjective way how you open the other person if I understand that correctly. If you say, “You need to do this.” They’re getting defensive. If you say, “Well, I recognize that you’ve done this and this and I felt that this was doing in this and this way.” Then it’s a totally different feedback. It’s more like a present to give to someone to see how I see him. Is that the way you would go in with this more?

Jill:

That’s absolutely one way to interpret it. The other way to interpret it is that you’re opening up a conversation. When you start with the word you, you’re giving a command.

But, if you start with I it opens a conversation and in many cases you can actually get down to the root cause of why that behavior happened in the first place. But, if you start off by pointing a finger, you’re not likely to get there.

Bernd:

Ja, it makes absolute sense. Now I’m very interested for the third one.

Jill:

Ja, so the next one is – so the other three. So, we have the you know, own your feedback. That’s what I call the first rule like using I instead of you.

And being specific and behavioral in the feedback we’ve talked about. The other one is avoid disclaimers and apologizing. And this may not be as common in other parts of the world, but in the United States, in North America, in general, I find people apologizing for nothing. “Oh, I’m sorry.” “Sorry to bother you.” “Sorry to do this.” When there’s actually no reason to be sorry.

Because for example, if I would say, “Sorry to interrupt you, but I need –” No, knock on the door. “Excuse me, I need.” There’s no, “Sorry to bother you.” Because if you were really sorry you would have found another way to get the information.

So, it’s really when you say things like, “I’m sorry” or “I just wanted to see if” or “I’m not sure if you feel the same way but” those things are all forms of apologies and disclaimers that actually take the power of the corrective effect away from your feedback opportunity.

Bernd:

Ja, it weakens the feedback. Ja, I understand.

Jill:

It does. And when we also say those things, people don’t take us seriously everything that comes after that disclaimer or after that apology. Because if I say, “Bernd, I’m sorry we have to meet today, but we need to discuss” it sets up a completely different tone than you know, “Bernd, thanks for being here, we need to discuss.”

Very, very different, but yet it’s just so commonplace to use those words without even thinking about it. So, we have to be very conscious of what we’re saying in these situations.

Bernd:

Ja, there’s one thing what I was a missing in your three major mistakes. And I would like to hear your take on it and that’s if you really give feedback to someone, I feel that it’s more and more successful to do that if it’s under four eyes. So, if no one else is in the room, then I can give other kinds of feedback than if others are in the room, would you agree with that?

Jill:

In most situations, yes. It always depends on the team culture and how the expectations have been set up within an organization. But in general, yes. I like to say we criticize in private, we praise in public.

So, when people are being praised in public and again in a very specific and behavior focused way, it can serve as a motivator for the team. But, even in that situation having those praise conversations one on one are also very, very important because you can go into a little more depth with the person on exactly what you appreciate, where you could be a little more general at the team level.

Bernd:

Ja, I agree. What I also would like to know if you’re a communication expert, what is it about this kind of giving feedback in a sandwich way? So, you know this, “Oh, you’re such a great person, you’re such a great employee, but ja, you need to slightly make it better.” But then, “You’re great.” What’s your take on this kind of sandwich feedback?

Jill:

So, there’s two different perspectives on it. And for me the literal interpretation that most people understand just like what you said and how a lot of people train on is actually more damaging than helpful.

Because what follows the, but, is not often listened to. So, “Yay, this is such a great podcast. I love being on the show, but you know what I’m happy to do this.” We don’t remember the disclaimers. It kind of even ties back into my rules, right?

It’s a disclaimer that’s going at the beginning before you get to the course of action. Now, where I believe the sentiment of the theory comes from and I don’t think this is clearly explained anywhere, the sentiment is that over time we should focus on giving more positive than negative feedback, over time. Now, that’s not what the sandwich model says.

But, I believe that to kind of be at the heart of it, is that if all we’re ever receiving from a manager is negative feedback, it’s going to impact us negatively. But, that’s why the saying that you said earlier like if I don’t hear anything, I assume everything’s fine is actually detrimental. Because then when you do hear something, the only time you hear things is when it’s negative and that builds up on a person’s psyche.

So, to me the sandwich model in individual feedback instances, no, it’s actually more harmful and more damaging than good. But, the idea of giving just as much if not more positive feedback that again is owned avoids disclaimers and is specific and behavioral over time. That is the spirit of it.

Bernd:

Ja, I fully agree with that. That’s also my take on that. We already spoke about the performance reviews, which in some companies I think that’s the same here in Germany. That you just say, “Okay, we have to do that every year with our employee and he gets the feedback.” And these kinds of performance reviews in my feel are very often not very useful.

And you already said it that it’s we should give feedback much more often. I found it very interesting, this kind of one on ones where you really plan with your employee once a week or every two weeks, a really 20 minutes where you only talk precisely on not just feedback, but to build a personal relationship. What do you think about this kind of planned one on ones?

Jill:

I think we need to have them built in. And I think they need to be things that are taken seriously in organizations and not a meeting that can be just passed off like, “Oh, you know it’s not essential to our day to day operations.” But, in reality it is essential because if you’re not again, keeping the engine running smoothly, the day to day operations are going to break down.

And so, what I would like to see implemented in organizations across the world is a more semi-formal monthly conversation where those data points are documented and collected, which then make the annual reviews for the raises for the board of directors for the things that we need to do.

Especially in public companies, government institutions, etcetera, all of those things where we have these antiquated, but still existing systems of having to put these annual performance reviews forward. You know, but we’re building them 12 months in the making.

Not just, “Wow, this last quarter was bad and it’s going to adversely impact how I’m viewing the performance review.” Just for the happen stance that that happens to show up in a bad quarter. And that’s not fair to anyone involved. But, when you have more documented data that you can analyze over time and see where people are at, it helps.

The other purpose of these weekly, oh sorry excuse me, monthly meetings it’s not just from a feedback standpoint, but it’s also how are the employees tracking towards their own personal and professional development goals? So, it’s not just the, “Oh here’s what you’re doing well and here’s what needs to be improved.” It’s “Alright, what have you done this month to actively push towards the goal that you stated when you first started working here that you want to be involved in x, y, z procedure?”

And managers who get employees who stay around longer are invested in both their professional and their personal development and finding ways to be able to implement that and integrate that within those monthly conversations I feel is very important.

Bernd:

Ja, I agree with that. I also see a third point here with the one on ones which full beside if they are not done, which I observed here in Germany very often you get a deeper relationship with your employee if you really do that at least once a month. Because it’s time you spend as a manager or executive which you really invest in your employee.

And if what I recognize is all the people have under very much of stress. And time is a very problem for most of the people to spend. And if they don’t do it in the calendar for this kind of one on ones, it could be that after half a year they say, “Oh ja, I haven’t spoken to John for a long time.”

So, I think it’s also a point that they get a closer relationship and a deeper understanding which is important for the trust level between the employee and the supervisor. Would you agree with that?

Jill:

I completely agree with that. And one of the things and the pushback I get when talking with managers about this is, “Well, 20 minutes a month that’s a lot of time.” Well okay, so 20 minutes a month is an hour a quarter, which means four hours a year. If you have to replace that person, you’re going to be spending significantly more than four hours training and getting a new person up to speed.

And we know that the number one reason people leave jobs is management, not money. So, not investing in this you know, four hours a year per employee. If you do a 20 minute monthly meeting is going to cost you way more time and money in the long run. But, typically we don’t think about that. We think, “Wow, I’m losing this time now.” Not “Well, by doing this I’m gaining a lot of time in the future.”

Bernd:

Ja, it’s always the problem that if you’re doing this kind of leadership, it’s the long-term benefits you get. Short-term, if you don’t do it, you have short-term, you’ll have more time. But, in the long-term you lose a lot of time. You lose credibility. You lose trust. Ja, I absolutely agree.

Jill, I have one issue here with speaking a lot about how to give feedback to the employee. Now let’s go to the other side. Should an employee criticize his or her boss? And if yes, how can an employee give feedback to the boss without hurting the relationship or getting into trouble?

Jill:

It’s a very, very good question. And I will shift the term criticism and just say giving feedback. We’ll just keep it kind of a neutral term because conflict for example, the word conflict most people feel as a negative term. But, conflict in fact is inevitable when you have more than one person working on something because we’re not the same.

Now, how conflict is handled takes it from being a neutral term to being either positive or negative. And I think the same is true for feedback. So, making sure – and this is something that I’ve studied a lot and there’s actually a chapter in my book on this and I call it directional communication, is you need to know what direction your communication is going.

And this is from an organizational hierarchical perspective or a perceived hierarchy. So, if someone for example perceives that they have power over you and you’re having trouble getting through to them, it’s probably because you’re communicating at them like a peer or maybe like some an employee instead of someone like a boss. So, there’s three levels, there’s upward, downward and lateral or peer level communication.

And if you have feedback or issues that you need to bring up to your manager, you’re communicating in this upward direction. So, it’s really important to go into these meetings with certain frames of mind. You want to go in with an amount of politeness and respect to the authority.

So, you know for example, “Thank you for meeting with me today Bernd. I know you know, at your level, at your job, whatever you have a packed schedule. And I’m really grateful you had time to see me, to talk about –” And then get right to the point, specific issue that you want to talk about.

And then also when giving that feedback, balancing it out. Again, using the three roles we talked about earlier, but also taking into consideration more of the company needs, the mission, the vision, the values, the purpose of the company. And so, whatever you’re going to suggest if there’s a confusion of how maybe it doesn’t fit, make sure you’re tying in bigger organizational picture issues to that conversation. And that’s a strategy in terms of communicating upward.

And unfortunately some companies don’t have that culture where that’s easily allowed. But, the other thing you can do if you don’t have that culture set up or if you’re not sure, you know, “Thank you for meeting with me. I would like to speak about this. Do I have your permission to give you my unfiltered observations?” Asking for permission to do that.

And then it’s on the manager to say, “No, I actually don’t want to hear that. Here’s what I want to hear about.” And guide the conversation, which is within their full rights to do. And that can actually be very impactful. They can say, “No.” Which very clearly communicate something or they can say “Yes.”

It’s one of three options that you’re going to get. Two of those three are going to advance the conversation forward. The third one, there’s probably a much deeper rooted issue at play.

Bernd:

Ja, and what’s at least here in Germany, I suppose it will be similar in the US you can say to your boss a lot of things, but do it under four eyes. Because he also plays a role so, if you do that when others are in the room, it is much more difficult even if you’re using the terms, asking for permission. Because a lot of people feel that they have to defend themselves and they don’t want to do that in a group very often. Is that similar in your opinion?

Jill:

Yes. It’s so very true. And it’s again it’s anything that could potentially be perceived as negative, keep that private. Keep it between the two people or whoever is involved only. And you know it’s coming to people to solve a problem is also fine as well. I think about a supervisor I had when I was in the academic space. And this supervisor misspoke at a meeting.

At the time I was leading a massive online education effort and the dean of the college that I was working within was my direct boss. We both went to a meeting together. And he actually misspoke in the meeting, something that was factually incorrect about what we’re doing. And there’s one of those options. Do you right there in the meeting correct? In this case it was a him, correct him right in the meeting? Or do you sit and wait later?

And so, what I did was not counter him in the meeting. I just said, “And another perspective to this is. So, if you have questions you can talk to both of us about this.” Outside of the meeting approached him and said, “Jack, I want you to know why I said the different perspectives is because with the new system the university just integrated, what you said is no longer factually correct. And I’m sure you just didn’t know that.”

You know and he goes, “Oh, thank you so much for telling me. I’m really glad you spoke up.” But, if I would have said, “Actually Jack, that’s not correct” in front of the whole faculty babies that would not have been the best move.

Bernd:

Ja, so you took care that he didn’t lose his face.

Jill:

Exactly. And sometimes it’s just a simple phrase or making a more factually correct statement if it’s public. So, you know he said one statement then I could say, “And within the new system that we just adopted, here is how this functions” instead. You know, it’s just still stating facts. And you can state facts. And you can state differences opinion without putting someone down.

Bernd:

Ja. I like especially the wording you used, and instead of, but. Just these small words already make a big difference. That’s great. I love that.

Jill:

I am obsessed with the small simple semantic changes that you can make in language that really make a big difference over time. So, much so that they’re so – the word we would use is incipient. You don’t even know they’re hiding there, but they have this power. And it’s not you know, relevant and like obvious to everybody. But, when you do it over time with consistency, you’ll see a notable difference in your culture.

Bernd:

Ja. Now, using this kind of wording I would like to hear your take on my last question. And that’s what were you doing if you were in a project meeting and well, the going gets tough, you’re more in the lateral area with colleagues and one of your colleagues verbally attacks you. How should you behave? What’s an appropriate response in such situations?

Jill:

The best thing you can do from my perspective, especially when someone’s mad at you in a public setting, is number one, recognize their frustration. In some way, shape, or form the worst thing you can do is ignore and move on. Because then a person who’s already mad is going to now feel mad and ignored. And that’s just not a good place for anyone to be.

So, let’s pretend you know that my manager well, we’ll just go back to Jackson. Since I used that term so, Jack is very upset with me in a meeting and kind of you know, publicly defaces me. What I can do is go back to those three rules of feedback that I gave you and say, “I understand from what you just said, that you’re frustrated with –” and name something specific. Is that accurate?

So, really own it. Say, “I understand” or “I heard” or you know, “From what you just said, I believe that you feel” you know, owning those statements as much as you can. And then put it back as a question. It’s a de-escalation technique.

You know, let’s say you and I were arguing Bernd and I said, “I believe I understand what you’re saying Bernd, is that you’re very frustrated that I wanted to do this and that didn’t fit within the model that you had laid out for the team. Am I understanding that correctly?”

Bernd:

Ja, that’s cool. So, you recognize my anger and you try to by giving me this kind of a feedback board you understand, you try to deescalate the situation.

Jill:

You do. And what happens oftentimes in a group is if one person is having a hard time cooling down if I’ve handled it professionally in that way and I ask a question, “Am I understanding that correctly?” You either have a yes or a no response. And if it’s a no, then we can get down to the bottom of it. If it’s a yes, likely then people recognize it’s been a little deescalated.

And then I can if you don’t respond back, I could say. “Okay, I’m glad I understand correctly. In your opinion, what should the next step be then” Or in your opinion, what one thing should be changed first?” Again, getting very specific with the questions so that it’s not a, I’m not on the defensive. I call it I’m on the discovery.

And if you take that position from curiosity and being willing to discover what is making someone really upset, it positions you in a place of power and control and it lets you now steer the conversation. So, it’s a strategic move on two parts.

Bernd:

Ja, so the first one is recognize it. And then give the ball back and try to discover more in depth what is it really we’re talking about? Why are you so mad on me, or something like that, correct?

Jill:

Exactly. And at some point other people can get involved in the conversation too, but the mistake I feel people make right off the bat is let’s say you say something very not nice to me in a meeting and I slammed down my hands and say, “Well, do the rest of you feel that way too?”

And there’s nothing productive that’s going to come immediately from that. So, you first have to make sure everyone is on the same page with what the disagreement is actually on. And then you can move forward in that conversation.

Bernd:

Ja, makes sense. Oh, I think we got a lot of great insights regarding feedback. I liked especially what we talked about in the beginning the three major mistakes. If you’re not specific, if you’re not focused, if you do give feedback, better say I instead of you.

And it’s very important to avoid the disclaimers. No sorry’s, no apologies if there’s nothing to apologize. I liked that very much. And Jill, I like to thank you very much for being on the podcast and giving us great tips for better communication for dynamic communication. Thank you.

Jill:

Thank you so much for having me.

 

LME012 – How to give feedback.

As a manager, you need to know how to give feedback. It‘s your job to help your employees to develop and to improve. They need constructive feedback on their performance as well as on their behaviour – both positive and negative.

Listen to the podcast version

How to give feedback

How to give feedback?
Image: pressmaster/ Resource: www.bigstock.com

 

The Problem often: How to give feedback?

Understandably, many executives try to avoid giving feedback. They often don’t now how to give feedback and it is often not easy to give it openly. Also, many find it difficult to ask for feedback. But feedback is most important in leadership. It’s the best tool to help your staff to develop and it is a great way to support employee motivation – if done correctly.

Finally, if you critize, you might trigger rejection, displeasure and anger. It can be painful and it can lead to embarrassing situations, especially if people’s self-perception is challenged or you confront someone with unpleasant truths.

Feedback situations are therefore a challenge for both the one who gives feedback and the other who receives the feedback.

Do you mind if I give you feedback?

Everyone loves to be praised and to be confirmed. Who doesn‘t like to be praised?

With criticism, on the other hand, it’s different. If someone asks you,

“Do you mind if I give you some feedback?”

You’ll probably say

“No, of course not!”

… and you ask for the feedback. But deep inside of you, it’s hard for you to hear negative feedback. And let’s face it: it will be negative.

Praise and criticism

If someone explicitly asks for permission to give you feedback, he doesn‘t just want to praise, he mostly wants to criticize. But criticism questions our self-esteem. It triggers our defense mechanisms, because we believe our reputation is in danger. Actually, we want to be praised, but not judged.

That’s why when you give feedback, it’s less important what you say than how you say it.

Formulate feedback subjectively

Therefore, formulate your feedback subjectively as far as possible.

Instead of:

“John, you weren‘t well prepared in this conversation with our major customer. You answered his questions quite evasively!”

This statement claims objectivity.

“It’s the way I say it. John was not prepared.”

It would be better to formulate the feedback in an “I“-statement:

“John, I had the impression that you weren‘t well prepared for the conversation with our major customer. It also seemed to me as if you had answered his questions evasively.”

An “I“-statement doesn‘t claim to be the absolute truth. It only reflects what you have felt, seen, heard or experienced. These kind of statements are received as:

“That’s how I perceived you.”

Don’t critize in public

Feedback is intended to help the other person to reconcile his self-perception and his external perception, and to change the future behavior when necessary. You can much easier achieve this with “I“-statements.

I still remember my school days vividly. I was very good at maths and physics. However, I was lousy with learning languages, especially English. My grades in English mostly fluctuated between 4 and 5. In our German school system the grade „1“ is the best and 5 and 6 are the worst. Compared to the US grade system a „1“ would be an „A“ and a „5“ would correspond to a “D“, “E“ or “F“.

As you can surely imagine, I was terrified of having to write English class papers. But the worst was getting the paper back from the teacher. That was deeply demotivating and humiliating.

The process was always the same: all students were in the classroom. The teacher called the name of the student. Then he went through the rows and handed over the corrected paper and he shouted the grade loud and clear:

John – 3+

Brian  – 2-

Bernd –  5“

Simultanously, when he looked at me and shouted my grade, he mostly shook his head.

Don‘t do that. If you criticize someone, please don‘t do it in front of others.

To be criticized is almost always offensive to the criticized, even if it‘s well intentioned. That’s why you criticize, if possible, always in private and not in public.

Feedback should be constructive.

Praise as well as criticise. Standardised praise as well as generalizing criticism aren‘t helpful.

“John, your reports are always far too long. It doesn’t work like that.”

John has no practical use from this feedback. Are all his reports really far too long? Any report he has made so far? Wasn’t there this interim report a year ago. That was only one page long – so, John thinks: my boss is incorrect: my reports aren‘t always too long.

The better way to give this feedback is:

“John, your final report in this project is over 200 pages long. Our customer doesn‘t want and doesn’t need such an in depth analysis. In future, 20 pages will be fully sufficient for such final reports.”

Now John knows what he can improve. That is conctructive feedback.

The same also applies to praise:

“John, you’re doing a great job here with us!”

It’s a positive feedback. It‘s a compliment, but it’s very vague. Does the boss say this only to create a favourable climate? Does he really know exactly what I’m doing?

A constructive compliment is much more helpful and honest:

“John, you recently solved this interface problem for the MLG group very quickly. Excellent work. Helping our biggest client in such a short time has left a lasting impression on them – and also on me. You did a great job.”

This praise helps much more because it‘s constructive. Now John understands precisely what he did well.

Don’t critize too many points!

Very often managers critize too many point at once

If you give negative feedback, don‘t criticize too much at once. Otherwise, the person is overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to start improving.

Here’s an example: John has just made an important presentation for a customer. His boss gives him the following feedback:

“John, this was all too fast for me. You talked so quickly. There were far too many slides, too much text and only few pictures. Then you also made jumps, so I couldn‘t follow. And then, you constantly looked at the slides instead of looking to the people –  and the design of your slides: Our CI was missing. Our logo was not visible at all… “

And he’s going on like that.

This feedback isn‘t helpful. It overwhelms John with information. What is it exactly he needs to change the next time he’s going to do a presentation like this? With what should he start to improve? Apparently he did everything wrong.

It would be better to tell him only about one of the important mistakes, for example:

“John, I couldn‘t follow your presentation. I was lost after five minutes. What I observed is, that the other participants also seemed to have problems to understand what you were talking about. We were simply overwhelmed by the high number of slides in such a short time.”

The feedback here is: too many slides. This allows John to improve his next presentation.Also very important:

Give timely feedback!

If you give feedback – be it praise or criticism – do it in a timely manner. Then the situation is still fresh in memory.

However, the one who receives feedback must be able to accept it. His mind must be open to understand and to accept it. Especially when it comes to criticism.

Assume your employee has just made a big mistake – a huge blunder – he recognizes it and is – understandably – depressed and devastated. Then it may be timely, but it‘s not the right time to criticize him right now. Sensitivity is needed when giving him feedback.

In principle: There’s a time for everything. Find the right time: The criticized must be open to feedback. Otherwise it will not help. But don‘t let too much time pass between the behavior and your feedback. The more timely the feedback the more helpful it is.

5 important tips how to give feedback

Let me summarize what you should pay attention to when giving feedback:

  • Formulate Feedback in an „I“ statement
  • Give Feedback, especially criticism, preferably in privat.
  • Make it specific and contructive.
  • Don‘t give too much feedback at once.
  • Give feedback promptly, but only if the other person is open to it.

 

The inspiring quote

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.”

Frank A. Clark

LME011 – Self awareness and how to build better teams – Interview with Jessica Pettitt

With Jessica Pettitt I’ll talk about self awareness and how to build better teams.

Self awareness

Self awareness is most important for a good leader. Having the ability to recognize what you are good at and where you’re not so good at or where you’re even lousy – is crucial if you want to be a good leader.

If you want to lead, if you want to inspire others you need to be self aware. You need to be open to work on yourself.

Jessica Pettitt

Jessica Pettitt

Jessica Pettitt

That’s why I invited Jessica Pettitt for an interview. We are talking about self awareness and about how this influences building and leading teams.

Jessica lives in New York. She is a speaker and author and has been stirring up difficult conversations for over a decade.

She performed as a stand-up comedian, spoke on stage as a diversity educator, and today she is moving teams from abstract to action. Jessica is a member of the National Speakers Association and is a Certified Speaking Professional.

In her book „Good enough now“ she ties together best practices of conversations, team building and inclusive climates.

 

The inspiring quote

If I could sell a formula made up of gratitude, empathy, and self-awareness it would be my billion-dollar coconut water idea.”

Gary Vaynerchuk

Links for further information

 

The transcript of my interview with Jessica Pettitt:

Bernd:

Jessica, leaders want to lead others, they want to inspire others and they want to influence others, but what’s often forgotten is, first of all, as a leader I need to take responsibility for who I am and how I am. I recently heard Gary Vaynerchuk pointing that out and he said,

“There is something that is really talked about in the business world and that’s self-awareness.”

In the first part of your great book Good Enough Now, you speak exactly about this self-awareness. What exactly is your definition of it and why is self-awareness so crucial?

Jessica:

Well, first off, thank you for having me and a great question to start off with. Self-awareness is the hardest and last thing we are likely to do, and the irony is that it’s free and it doesn’t take any additional tools or schooling to begin.

Ultimately, it’s about taking responsibility for who and how you are, and when you start noticing how you show up in relationships, or what your response patterns are, when you take responsibility for it you can keep the parts you really like about yourself. You can work on to develop or edit or change the parts of yourself you don’t like and then you can become aware of the incongruent pieces floating out in the middle.

Bernd:

But to do that, I think you need to go very deep and ask you, well, sometimes not very nice questions, at least, in some areas. What I would like to know from you, Jessica, is what can we do to become more self-aware? How do we do that?

Jessica:

It’s an interesting question because out of habit there’s a piece of us almost like a magic trick. When you see a magician perform you’re like: Whoa, how did that happen? And then there’s always that guy in the audience who’s like, “Oh, I know how it happened, first you do this, second you do this, third you do this, results magic trick.”

Self-awareness work is like a magic trick in the sense that from the outside it’s like, “How is this person so authentic, vulnerable, self-aware or confident? I don’t understand how they get that way.” And then somebody else is like, “Well.” When you start listing off what self-awareness steps are, it’s even worse than ruining a magic trick because to be self-aware means that you’re actually reflective. It means you’re listening and asking questions to people who know you better than you know you; you’re actually listening and responding to the answers that they give you – and that’s not as sexy as the magic trick.

Self-reflection literally means paying attention to how you show up and usually we can’t do it for ourselves at first consistently, so it means listening to other people. When people give you feedback, usually it’s negative feedback and the first thing we do is dismiss them. And then if someone gives you positive feedback, the first thing we do is deflect it because we don’t accept compliments. Both of those are places to start: stop deflecting and stop being defensive and really listen for patterns.

Bernd:

Yes, I understand that but isn’t it different from who’s giving the feedback?

Jessica:

In theory, I think depending on who it is, it depends how likely we are to validate the feedback or listen to it.

Bernd:

If I understand you correctly, you would say: But at least start with it and take it like a present if someone gives you this kind of feedback, independent if it’s “You’re doing great here,” or if it’s constructive feedback. Is that right?

Jessica:

Yes. What’s interesting is constructive feedback can come at you all the time and you can still blow it off as if it isn’t important, feedback that may or may not actually have anything to do with you, it may have to do with the person who’s giving the feedback’s personal agenda, maybe something that you really take in or are able to blow off, but you have to be able to notice those patterns to be able to pick and choose what to keep and what to throw out.

Bernd:

What I also observe very often is that people very long are not self-aware unless something happens in their life, something which changes their life totally. Maybe their partner left them or they were fired from their job and then something happens that they start to think more about themselves. Is that something which you also observe?

Jessica:

It took me getting fired three different times in order to actually. The first time it was totally their fault, the second time I was super defensive and like, “I don’t get why this happened,” and then the third time, I was like, “Alright, there’s one common denominator in all three of these situations,” that was me. “Did I have anything to do with this?” And it’s a hard question to ask but you are ultimately the common denominator of everything that has gone right and everything that has gone wrong in your own life. So then we get back to you already have the tools to do this. It’s just really hard work. What if it’s not anybody’s fault? What it it’s you?

Bernd:

Very often it is at least helpful to think: Okay, it seems to be me, at least, if it comes the third time. Correct? It’s also some kind of feedback, if you like.

Jessica:

Yes. I think what happens as you work the self-reflection muscles is that the feedback can come from you and actually be constructive eventually, at some point. If we give ourselves feedback it’s usually puffy accolades or it’s being really hard on ourselves until we realise how important a skill self-reflection is. Then you can start saying, “Wait, wait, wait, what happened here? Did I do that thing again?” Or, “Did this thing get me upset again? Did I jump to conclusions?” Did I react in a way that’s from my lived-experience and not what actually happened in the actual moment? And then you can go from there.

Bernd:

If I don’t change myself and think why the hell do I always get the same results? That’s logic in itself. Right?

Jessica:

Right.

Bernd:

What I also very often observe are managers who think they know exactly what needs to be done in their company or in their department but their team, their employees, just don’t get it. They think their team needs to change, the employees need to change their behaviour, they need to change their work ethic and it’s going on.

They want them to change but rarely do they accept they need to change first. You’re an expert on this kind of change. What are typical excuses why we generally think we don’t need to change, and what are your tips to become more open and more aware that we, that I, need to start changing first?

Jessica:

This is the ultimate question and the reason why is that at the root of it, a person who does not practice self-reflection doesn’t actually feel like they need to change, so we’re in a predicament where obviously something needs to be happening. We look outside of ourselves – me included. I wrote a book about it and I still do this, I just now have to catch myself. Right?

So, we look outside of ourself for blame or reasoning, or something like that, as if we have any control over anything outside ourselves so then nothing changes and it’s not our fault. Bad situations, break-ups, poor relationships, things like that are complicated and it often can take somebody else other than you to get into the predicament, you would actually have general control over yourself. So, if you actually want to take responsibility or improve a relationship, or benefit a culture, well, what can I do with this; what pieces of this do I have control over? “Oh, look, it’s me.”

Then you can flip all those kind of laser beams that are outbound to other people that you blame everything on and put them towards yourself – not to instantly blame yourself but take those laser beams and focus them on yourself with-, the language I use is “genuine curiosity,” – listen to yourself, the multiple layers of the voices in your head and determine: What did I just do? Really, what did I just do? Take responsibility for it. Keep the parts that you like. Notice if there are parts of things of how you just responded – which maybe in action or silence, or something like that, it doesn’t always have to be something big and bold and external. How did you respond? Is that what you intended to do? – then you start noticing your role in making a connection with someone else, and that’s actually inside of our control – at least some of the time.

 

Bernd:

Yes, I fully agree with that. What I also see very often is that people want things from others which they don’t bring to the table. Like, if I want all my team to be on time, 9 o’clock sharp, but I have excuses because I’m the boss, I can once in a while come late five minutes but they are not allowed to come late. Then the whole thing is not working, why should they change?

Jessica:

Not only is it bad role-modelling, but how much of your ego lands on them for the five or seven minutes while they’re waiting on you and you’re spouting the importance of timeliness? How much of your ego splatters on them with that incongruence? You’re doing that to yourself, that’s not them.

Bernd:

When we’re talking about teams and managers, most of these managers want to have their employees working as a high-performing team with great results etc. What are the ingredients for such a high performing team, in your view?

Jessica:

Even the concept of “Ooh, look, there’s a high-performing team,” – some high-performing teams are successfully working in massive levels of dysfunction. The “high-performing” means the few variables you’re looking at are measuring up in the way you want them to but you’re not looking at other variables, so they may actually still be dysfunctional.

Bernd:

Do I understand you correctly? You say from the outside, yes, they have great results but they are not really a high performing team, only regarding the results, but inside, it’s a mess. Is that what you’re saying?

Jessica:

Let’s go back to the boss that’s five minutes late who spouts the importance of timeliness. There is a possibility that if every one of those people began to show up to work on time the supervisor would think they have a high-functioning team, but once you check that off you’re now not paying attention to any of the group dynamics that are happening in the team.

What could be happening is that every single one of those employees has made a pact to job-search together and then the supervisor is going to be completely blind-sided by the very timely resignation letters of their entire team. So then the supervisor’s going to go from: I have this high-functioning team I show off, to being blind-sided by the truth. In that scenario, who actually has the control of not being blind-sided?

Bernd:

It’s the manager who thinks he has a high performing team, but he hasn’t.

Jessica:

Right. I would say to answer your question, if you want a high performing team, first off, that definition probably should be developed by the team. What are you measuring high performance: is it just sales and just numbers but the team has an extraordinarily high amount of personal illness and sick days? Or mental health is really bad because everybody’s so stressed out but their sales numbers are great?

On a human level, as a manager, what does a high performing person in your responsibility look like? As a team member, flatten the hierarchy out of it. As a team member, everyone including you as a supervisor or manager, how do you define ‘high performing?’ Get all of those variable out – maybe over the next 365 days no-one gets divorced, no-one is surprised by someone having to go to rehab, no-one begins to job-search, every single person has found at least one person they wanted to recruit to be part of the team so, as a manager, you’re overflowing with really incredible options of new talent.

Whatever you decide is high-functioning of the group that you were trying to get to be high-functioning, now you have collective definitions to hold each other accountable to. Including yourself. You create an accountability system within that group that everyone is equally in charge of.

Bernd:

To start something like that, if I understand you correctly, it’s important that the manager starts with doing a group meeting and telling: Well, that’s my expectations. He needs to open and then he has a good chance that the others will follow him and talk about their expectations. Is that correct?

Jessica:

Sure. When we go back to self-reflection, there’s a really good chance that some manager or supervisor is going to walk into the staff meeting and be like: Hey, I read this book, great idea, we’re going to flatten the hierarchy and redefine things. And the people sitting around the table are going to have a meeting after the meeting like: What was that about, because I don’t believe you because you didn’t have a healthy relationship to begin with.

Bernd:

So it will take time. If you start this journey and you’ve done things wrong in the past, it will take time until your employees will open for this. Correct?

Jessica:

Yes, absolutely. I remember very early in my speaking career, a manager or supervisor kind of person, we were doing a pretty intensive retreat around staff dynamics and the supervisor came up with one rule, and the one rule was going to be: Speak your truth with care. Now, if you look at it at face value that sounds pretty good, right?

Always state your truth. Everyone else is going to assume that your intention is positive and you need to be responsible and take care that whenever you say your truth, it may hurt somebody else’s feelings, like, Oh, great! That’s sounds wonderful. But it was so inauthentic and so counter to how this manager actually related to anybody on their staff that when I checked in about six months after doing this training-, and I’m a consultant so I fly in and fly out, about six months later I happened to be in town and set up a lunch with some of the employees, anybody who wanted to come just to check in and see how things were going, and they all showed up wearing these t-shirts.

They had secretly made t-shirts that mocked this rule. On their t-shirts was: Speak your truth with care, and it became this mocking tagline because this supervisor really wasn’t doing it and when other people were doing it they were getting in trouble for speaking their mind. He would make insubordinate letters and things like this. So the role-modelling piece of it, what that means is that you’ve taken responsibility to be reflective enough to actually do what you’re asking other people to do. His staff were completely unified against him more six months after doing a training than they were when I was first there because he had just gotten that much more controlling, that much more inauthentic and that much more out of touch with his own employees.

Bernd:

So, could you do anything about it later on?

Jessica:

I talked to the employees about it and I was like: If you’re this unhappy, what are you doing? They said what’s interesting is that morale is at an all-time high because they were able to unify around the ludicrousness of their supervisor, so they actually weren’t looking to change jobs, they just had no respect. And if you don’t have any respect then your innovation and your creativity are completely stifled. You’ll keep cashing your pay checks because you like your co-workers.

Bernd:

But you’re not really doing a good job any longer.

Jessica:

Yes. And for some people who aren’t paying attention that looks like a high functioning team.

Bernd:

I get what you say, yes. It comes back to the beginning that this manager, this supervisor you mentioned, seems not to have the self-awareness because, I understood, he might think that everything is going correctly. Right?

Jessica:

Right. Like: No, sir, you’re really wrong.

Bernd:

Okay. So he needs some kind of different feedback. Jessica, if we’re talking about teams, what’s your take on diversity? I know you’re a diversity trainer, how diverse is normally a good team?

Jessica:

Well, that’s a great question, too. I do come from a diversity training background and, certainly, I would say that my topic area is around diversity and inclusion. The trick to your question, going back to magic tricks, is often, organisations in their strategic plans or governing documents or something, will declare, with their fist in the air, they will declare that: We will make things 10% more diverse than they currently are. And what’s problematic with that is twofold: 1) By when and how; can I get some specifics? And, 2) If you don’t actually know how diverse your current team is, increasing it by 10% is impossible.

Bernd:

Yes, I agree.

Jessica:

If you haven’t had a real conversation about what does diversity and inclusion mean in this group, then you can’t increase it by 10% Often we immediately default to gender and race. That’s it. But you can have a very diverse group of people across gender and race and still have a very unsuccessful inclusive-based culture. It just depends. Again, I think this is a definition that needs to be created by everyone it impacts but the first step of inclusion is acknowledging: Who is not welcome here? Who are the outliers of the people that already exist and why is that the case?

If you have a staff of introverts, the really perky extrovert who brings cake for everybody’s birthday and has mandatory fun things set up, is going to be an outlier even though they may have the external skills that again somebody somewhere in a Sales Book said is a high-functioning person. So the subjectivity of fit needs to be discovered as to what “fit” actually means currently with the team, and what needs to improve with that.

Bernd:

Would you say a team itself would do that, the kind of team culture we have? Or is it even bigger that the company has to do that first, in your view?

Jessica:

Yes. The answer is yes.

Bernd:

Both.

Jessica:

If the higher level echelons-, Let’s take some megalomaniac company like Amazon. If the top five people sitting at a table were to determine how they’re going to make Amazon more diverse, how is that going to trickle down to their 6 million employees around the world?

Bernd:

It’s a challenge.

Jessica:

Right. I will cash that check, I will help you have that conversation but you are probably not going to be successful at it because you don’t have the relationships with the people who are directly impacted by the policies you’re making, because they make you feel good. Now flip it around. If 6 million employees, let’s say they have a union, or they have an employee resource group where they have leaders of multiple employee resource groups, who can then trickle and communicate a joint message against the bulk of the people who are involved in these employee resource groups;

they may not hit 6 million people but let’s say they hit 200,000 people and out of those 200,000 people back-and-forth keeps happening and the 200,000 people trust these six people who are in leadership of these employee resource groups, and those six people collaborate and communicate back-and-forth to the people they represent, and then a collective definition, or a collective list of things that need to occur, is developed and then that gets passed up. The top five people sitting at some very polished table could receive that list. Are they confident enough and are they self-reflective enough to receive that list and go: Oh, wow, thanks for all that work. This is amazing. We’ll get right on this.

Bernd:

I would say, maybe 20% with 80% of the top management, I would assume, are not able to do that.

Jessica:

I’m surprised you stopped at 80. I think it’s very hard, out of context, to take a list and not see a list as some kind of ransom demands. You get really defensive, you’re like: What are you talking about? – and more importantly, in a lot of corporate structures, you turn to Denise because it’s Denise’s job to make sure that these things are handled.

But Denise does not have the community or the social capital or the resources or, likely, the full respect from the other people at the shiny table to be able to address the situation and, if anything, she gets blamed for these things so then nothing happens. So, we’ve created these living, corporate organisms and we expect one person, or one particular outlet, to basically:

Don’t get the company sued. And that’s not an environment of self-reflection, that’s not an environment of responsibility and betterment, that’s an environment for capital gains. I mean, I’m a controversial person but even Starbucks recently did a company-wide anti-racism training in response to one situation that made the news, at least here in the United States, and the training they did was two hours long-, and you can’t fix bias, unconscious bias, conscious bias, racism – you can’t fix that in two hours but, as a company, they closed down and had a company-wide two hour training, which is an amazing initiative.

Bernd:

It’s a first step, isn’t it?

Jessica:

Yes. And if the goal is, in this case, I think the primarily upper-class white people who feel safe at Starbucks, who no longer can get in their Subaru’s with their “co-exist” bumper stickers and feel like a progressive liberal because Starbucks is a bad place – closing down for two hours to make those progressive, liberal white folks feel like they can go back to Starbucks, that’s good for business. But does it actually address racism and anti-bias, and is it starting a self-reflective conversation to role-model with other major corporations about what they’re doing around anti-racism work? That is yet to be seen.

Bernd:

If I understand you correctly, it can be a first step but in the end it has to come from all the people inside the company? So we’re back on that. Even as a manager or a supervisor of one of your teams, if you start that and others will follow, it can change. Even if it’s slow working, at least in some of the teams, right?

Jessica:

Yes. You’re touching on the most critical part. It is very easy to get overwhelmed and just be, “Well, how am I supposed to get everybody to do this? Well, never mind.” Yes, it’s really overwhelming, and sometimes doing individual self-reflection work is really underwhelming so neither of them happens. But you have control over yourself. If you’ve decided this is important and you start your own work, eventually that will shift the culture and it will shift how you show up in those relationships enough that other people might start doing it.

Bernd:

Yes. That’s also what I see very often that managers say “Well, what can I do? I only have my team here of ten people but the company is 10,000 people, I cannot change anything.” But that’s not true. If you change at least in your way, in your small universe, if others do that aswell then things can change.

Jessica:

Yes. And if you look at whoever your role models are, whoever your role model is, at the heart of it is one individual person who hits news, has had some horrible break-ups, probably has some addiction issues and is not liked by every human being they like but they’re still doing good work, they just have to do the self-reflection work to balance those things out.

Bernd:

Jessica, we were talking about more serious and tough issues which are normal if we’re thinking about the corporate world. There seems to be no place, very often, for funny things and jokes, etc. You know how to be in this serious business world, but I also saw that you were not just a professional speaker but also you’ve done stand-up comedy.

You’re an expert on stand-up comedy aswell, and I would like to know from you, what’s your take on how to get more humour into this very serious business world? What can a typical manager do to make a lot of boring meetings and sometimes tough work a little bit more easy and enjoyable with some kind of humour? What tips to you have here?

Jessica:

I think that’s an incredibly important asset in my own work, and what I find is that humour is the great equaliser. It has to be the right humour with the right people, at the right way, at the right time. And that’s the really hard part. So I don’t have any super secrets on what that is except when you try a joke and it doesn’t work, take responsibility for it, and really reflect on the joke: Is it at someone else’s expense?

Is it self-deprecating in a way that you really shared too much about yourself with someone else? Or do you not have the relationship with the people you’re trying to do the humour with so they don’t understand how to react? Some people’s leadership style – my language, is so tyrannical that when a tyrant cracks a joke, you don’t know if you’re supposed to laugh or not.

Bernd:

Then it’s not working at all. Yes, I understand.

Jessica:

Right. So if you have more authentic conversations and more authentic, vulnerable connections with other people, then you can actually bring their sense of humour out. You don’t have to be the person to stick it into the room all the time. You could provide a space for people to play and joke, and if they’re not currently doing it at that really boring staff meeting, it’s because you’re in the room, the person with the power. As soon as you leave, they’ll start cracking jokes again.

Bernd:

It clicked with me because I was thinking if I’m not a very humorous person how can I still work with humour? And I think you’ve said it very rightly. If you give a situation, if you give the room that people who are very funny can be funny, or funny is not the right word – then this is also a way to bring in the humour without being very funny by yourself.

Jessica:

Yes. Take television and the late night shows. The later they get the funnier they tend to be. Not everybody on those shows is funny 100% of the time and you watch those shows expecting funny, so even when a skit or something like that doesn’t land on you, or it’s not particularly funny, you keep watching because you have a relationship with that program that it is going to be humorous. If that foundational relationship doesn’t exist, then humour can often be like:

What? Where did that come from? What is going on? You don’t start off at a ten, and I think that’s really important. Oftentimes, humour gets into a kind of scary zone because people are worried about sexual harassment or saying the wrong thing or being offensive, and humour has an edge to it and, depending on what kind of relationships you have in the workplace, you might need to stay far away from certain edges. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be light-hearted.

If I were to give advice to a leader of how do you bring some of that into the space, don’t lead with personal, vulnerable questions but start sharing some personal, vulnerable things. It might take people a while to adjust to: Why is this happening? – but if you start talking about this really amazing, funny thing that you saw one of your employee’s kids do on the kid’s soccer field and you’re highlighting how great somebody’s kid is, unless you threaten violence or potentially come off like a stalker: What were you doing at the soccer game? – there’s something familial about that that will allow more room for humour to exist. There is no topic that I have found where humour can’t have some presence.

Bernd:

Jessica, thank you very much for a lot of insights regarding team, regarding diversity and especially also regarding humour. It was a pleasure to have you in this interview. Thank you very much.

Jessica:

Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me.